1. In Dumbass Stamp of the Week news…a Maryland woman, who claims that she has the winning megamillions lotto ticket, says she can’t find it. How do you lose a ticket that could potentially make you 300 million dollars? By A. being stupid, or B. not having the actual ticket. That’s how.
2. In That Is One Big Purse news…a woman in the U.S. Virgin Islands was pulled over by police and it was then discovered that she had a newborn in her purse. Yes, a newborn baby. She said she had the baby at home and was taking him to the doctor. Here’s a tip people…if you can’t afford a car seat, you probably shouldn’t have a baby!
3. Three Canadian men got hammered and decided to go through a car wash naked in a shopping cart. Police were called when people heard them screaming in pain. The police may have summed it up best by later tweeting “pressure-washing yourself will not increase intelligence or sobriety”.
4. In Men Really Are Dogs news…An IT worker was caught urinating on the chairs of attractive female co-workers after hours. Talk about marking your territory.
5. This makes me a little sad. Actress Amanda Bynes was caught drunk driving after she plowed into a police car. Her dad was my dentist and he is such a good wholesome man and would get upset when her lines on her show caused her to say damn or hell. I can only imagine how he feels about her getting a DUI. She used to come into the restaurant where I worked and was the most polite, well-behaved child. It makes me sad to see this.
6. Happy Easter everyone! I hope you don’t fall into a diabetic coma with all the candy you will consume!!!
I am always saddened by the horror stories of people who reach fame and destroy their lives with stupidity.
I am saddened also. It is more than stupidity, it is self-induced stupidity.
Also, I would help the woman in #1 clean her house, car and purse, if needed.
“…Here’s a tip people…if you can’t afford a car seat, you probably shouldn’t have a baby!…”
If only those people who could afford a car seat (and also a car, obviously) would be allowed to have children, it would immediately solve the problem of overpopulation in the Third World countries.
You should publish that theory…the world needs more minds like yours!!! I have long been a proponent of not coming with fertility, but earning it.
Thank you, but you deserve most of the credit! If not for you, I would have never even imagined a car seat being a prerequisite for having children. (maybe candles, nice dinner, contraception malfunction, but a car seat?) So I promise to split the Nobel prize money with you 60-40 should I win.
Deal!
Oh, how I used to love Amanda Bynes… The Amanda Show was part of my childhood…
I was a little old for it but she was such a sweet kid… It’s too bad.
Sorry I’m late, but I bring tidings from “What the F*#k Is Up In Ohio”.
“Authorities said a Chillicothe man going to court Tuesday to answer a charge of receiving stolen property allegedly was found in possession of property stolen from a vehicle that morning.” Yep, dude showed up to court on a theft charge, with a freshly stolen GPS unit on him.
Oy.
Better late than never…I need a good Ohio news source…I usually use onn tvs website. Got something better?
I get mine from the Coshocton Tribune (www.coshoctontribune.com). They will dump a daily summary in your inbox – and I do mean dump. Pretty much the ultimate source for small-town uber-redneck news. Sadly enough, it is the ONLY local news source!
Have you listened to any interviews with the Maryland woman? I got dumber listening to one. My guess is she thought if she told people she had the ticket, they would just give her the money. Sad thing, she has 7 kids. Hopefully she isn’t homeschooling them.
Oh that would be scary!