Warning: some pictures might gross out you squeamish folks!
Anyone who has been following me on Facebook, or anyone who knows me, knows I just got LASIK!!!
I now have 20/20 vision and NO more glasses or contacts!
So here’s how it started…
On Sunday, I caught a ride with a friend down to Orange County where I had the procedure done. My sister is a friend of the ophthalmologist and I trust him to slice my eyeballs open.
I stayed at my dad’s girlfriends house because she has a spare bedroom. My dad doesn’t and my sister has two loud kids so I opted for a nice quiet retirement community apartment. Liz cooked me some GOOD food (I’m going to make my dad keep her forever just so she’ll feed me often), and then I settled in for a bad night of sleep. I didn’t expect to sleep well with the anxiety. I should have taken one of my Xanax that they gave me, but I was nervous about taking something at night when no one could here me die.
Monday morning was eye slicing day. They told me to take a Xanax an hour before going, so at 10:30, I popped a pill and waited to get loopy. (I have taken it once before…I flew shortly after 9/11 and remember thinking we were going to crash, but I didn’t care!). My dad drove me to Irvine to the eye center. His driving scared me, so I knew that I wasn’t quite ready. They had me take a second pill about 20 minutes before I went back. They asked me if I was ready. I said “I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel. I just don’t know.” They took my ambivalence to mean I was ready. My dad could watch through these big windows…kind of like when you watch your car get washed. I lay down on this table and they scoot me back to the machine.
The part that freaked me out the most is that they put a suction cup on your eye and create a flap. I was a little nervous so they gave me stress balls to hold (huh huh…she said balls). I casually held them while they taped one eye shut and one eye open. They inserted a speculum type thingie into my eye, which is numbed up sufficiently.
They press the suction cup thingie onto your eye and it creates the flap. There is an assistant that counts down (and he was adorable). It takes 30 seconds to do the flap. They remove the machine, irrigate the eye, and then get the laser ready. The laser takes 10 seconds, is really loud, and smells like something is burning. Even I can hold my breath for 10 seconds, so I was okay. They irrigate the eye again, replace the flap, drown you in drops, and BAM I could see! My actual words were “holy shit I can see!”
Then they did the left eye. This one hurt. A lot. But… Before you all freak out, it’s because they had the suction cup thingie on my eye and were pressing against my brow bone. My eye felt no pain at all. During that time, my grip on the stress balls changed significantly. Again, it was only 30 seconds, but my eyebrow was aching!
They did the laser, and wham…20/20 vision. In 40 seconds an eye. It took longer for the second Xanax to kick in than the whole surgery.
Am I rocking the cap, or what?
I got a bazillion boxes of eye drops, a cool pair of sunglasses, and an eye shield for sleeping. I was fine til I hit the outside and started squinting. Then I couldn’t open my eyes anymore. There’s a reason they tell you to take a nap afterwards! And nap I did. 4 hours worth! After that, my eyes were tired, but I could keep them open.
I have to wear these goggles when I sleep so I don’t rub my eyes. Very sexy.
I have a little bruising under my lids from the speculum and my shields are uber cool… But who cares, I have 20/20 vision! I can see the clock (and as it turns out- measure children’s Motrin in the soft light of the night light at 2 am- couldn’t do that before!).
I have to wear a headband when I exercise so I don’t get sweat in my eyes. I have to wear it for a month. Coincidentally- your head sweats more when you wear a headband.
For the next month, I have to use eye drops like crazy and keep water out of my eyes. Other than that, no real limitations. Isn’t science amazing? (And I wanna know who the sick, yet brilliant, F-er who thought to use a laser to slice eyeballs open!
What up yo?
Rocking the headband (it’s actually Ally’s…her head is that big that we can share!) I am so Jane Fonda now!
Before the surgery…me and my daddy.