Inspired by a friend…
I love taking my kids to the park. I love taking them home from the park. I’m not a huge fan of the park itself.
Let me backtrack…the walk to my local park is great. I can take a creek walk to get there, a side road, a shortcut…there’s tons of fun ways to get there and a lot to see (and it’s full of rocks and pebbles which makes Ally happy- and it’s ALL about keeping her happy!)
Once we get to the park, my loathing begins. Here are all the reasons why I hate the park.
1. There is virtually no shade…unless I want to stand. I would prefer to sit. Always.
2. There are children there. I love my kids. I tolerate my friends kids. I can’t stand stranger kids…especially the ones that try and steal my water bottle or throw sand in my kids eyes.
3. It’s always hot.
4. Germs. I know that I take my kids to the park when they’re sick, which means everyone else does too. If you think about everything that kids touch at a park, it’s Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon- booger edition.
5. The bathrooms are like a mile
okay 150 yards away…and they are disgusting. And I’m always afraid that some dirty old man is going to try and steal my kids out of them.
6. I have to get up from my not shady seat to take them to the bathroom.
7. I do not want to squeeze my ass down the kid sized slide. Ever.. I also don’t feel like a giant playing on the play structure. I just feel like a fat ass.
8. Other parents. Sometimes I just want to look at Facebook and text my friends. My kids are good kids and not that brave, so I’m good looking up occasionally. Some moms (or worse, grandparents) want to chat your ear off. I take my kids to the park because I’m sick of hearing them argue in the house. I want some peace and freaking quiet at the park! I also don’t want judgmental stares from them when I tell my kid to rub it and don’t go running when he bonks his head again.
9. Sand. It gets everywhere…in my kids hair, in their pockets, their shoes, the cuffs of their pants. This just means it gets all over the floors in my house. I also do not like sand in my shoes. I don’t want to go trekking through the sand because you want me to come see something . The tiny stick you found is not that interesting that I have to get up from my to shady seat…unless you are saving me from a story from grandma Moses who has chosen to sit right next to me and not on one of the other million benches in the park.
10. The shoes/no shoes battle. Sometimes you can take your shoes off, sometimes you can’t. When it’s 90 degrees outside, you have to keep them on. When there are tons of kids- keep them on. When it’s cooler and not as busy, feel free to take them off. Don’t argue with me just listen to what I have to say and do it!
11. (Bonus)- teenagers at the park. They take over the swings and the play equipment, swear and spit and demonstrate how not to use playground equipment. What’s even better is when those same teenagers come to the park at dark and smoke their cigarettes and leave the butts all over the playground where kids from 0-18 are playing. Classy. And hanging at the park didn’t work out so well for Pony Boy and Johnny…but I suppose they’d have to read a book to get that reference.
So there you have it. Love going, love leaving…not a huge fan once I’m there.