1. In Dumbass Stamp of the Week news…a Maryland woman, who claims that she has the winning megamillions lotto ticket, says she can’t find it. How do you lose a ticket that could potentially make you 300 million dollars? By A. being stupid, or B. not having the actual ticket. That’s how.
2. In That Is One Big Purse news…a woman in the U.S. Virgin Islands was pulled over by police and it was then discovered that she had a newborn in her purse. Yes, a newborn baby. She said she had the baby at home and was taking him to the doctor. Here’s a tip people…if you can’t afford a car seat, you probably shouldn’t have a baby!
3. Three Canadian men got hammered and decided to go through a car wash naked in a shopping cart. Police were called when people heard them screaming in pain. The police may have summed it up best by later tweeting “pressure-washing yourself will not increase intelligence or sobriety”.
4. In Men Really Are Dogs news…An IT worker was caught urinating on the chairs of attractive female co-workers after hours. Talk about marking your territory.
5. This makes me a little sad. Actress Amanda Bynes was caught drunk driving after she plowed into a police car. Her dad was my dentist and he is such a good wholesome man and would get upset when her lines on her show caused her to say damn or hell. I can only imagine how he feels about her getting a DUI. She used to come into the restaurant where I worked and was the most polite, well-behaved child. It makes me sad to see this.
6. Happy Easter everyone! I hope you don’t fall into a diabetic coma with all the candy you will consume!!!