Things That Irritate Me #14: Mini-vans

In my neighborhood, I live on the main drag.  It’s one of two ways in to get to about 17 cul-de-sacs.  Between 2:30 and 3:30 every day, I take my life into my hands when I try and back out of my driveway.

When I think mini-van, I think convenience, affordability, and lots of kids and the end of your youth.  Which means the mini-van is usually being driven by a mom.  Meaning that the mom should want to drive safely driving her precious cargo around- right?  WRONG!  These women (and I do know that they are women because I can see them) drive down my residential neighborhood going at least 50 mph.

I will be backing out of my driveway for some reason or another and I have a lot of places to look, about 6 different directions.  Just when I see it’s all clear,  a mini-van comes barreling down the street and I have to slam on my brakes.  Heaven forbid I have my children in the front yard.  They know better than to go in the street, lest I might beat them, but it always scares me when the mini-van brigade starts.  My kids will even yell that the people are being bad drivers!

My next beef with mini-vans is their ability to park.  I am assuming they don’t worry so much about parking correctly in the lanes because the back doors slide open and they don’t need to worry about hitting the car next to them with the door, but it doesn’t make it any easier for ME to get in and out of my car. (Because it’s all about me, right?)

I find more mini-vans parked crooked in the lanes, or right on the line than any other car, including BMWs and Mercedes!  My husband drives a Chevy 1600 truck.  It’s hard for me to drive, let alone park.  When I do drive it I sit on a towel to prop me up higher I park away from other cars because I know I am not going to park it well.  That way when I am on the line, there are no cars next to me.  I even try and pull all the way through so I don’t have to back out.  I have not been afforded the same courtesy by mini-van drivers.  (The only people who are worse are short women driving trucks).  There have been times when I have had to have my kids climb in from the other side and buckle them from inside the car instead of outside.

Exhibit A...and this isn't even that bad!

Maybe the mini-vans need to be a little narrower…or the drivers need to be a little better.  Or maybe I should just start dinging their cars with my doors when they park badly. (I think I like that more)

30 Responses to “Things That Irritate Me #14: Mini-vans”

  1. 1 CultFit April 27, 2012 at 7:25 am

    It takes a special breed of idiot to do that in a parking lot. Drives me nuts and I share your thoughts exactly.

  2. 3 Aimee April 27, 2012 at 7:47 am

    I vote for dinging…it PAINS me to say this but Mommy’s in Mini Vans suck at driving period. I pick up Bubba at MMO three times a week and I do so by going in the back way and parking a good walk from the door. I do this so I can avoid the minivan brigade..if they aren’t barreling through the parking lot, or parking beyond crooked they are backing into one another. It’s insane!

  3. 5 therookiedad April 27, 2012 at 7:51 am

    When you open up your door to get your kid out just hit their van and act like you don’t even care when they come and catch you in the act. Treat them with the same repsect that you get from them!

  4. 7 John April 27, 2012 at 8:33 am

    There was a very funny episode of “Modern Family” where the Mom waged war against fast drivers through her neighborhood. You speak the truth!

  5. 9 Kathryn McCullough April 27, 2012 at 9:30 am

    I couldn’t agree with you more! The mini-van subculture with its sippy-cup sensibility is a total pain in the ass. The entire fleet of them should be illegal–Maine to Mississippi, Idaho to Indiana. Death to the mini-van.

  6. 13 Lisa Wields Words April 27, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Now I feel super guilty because I am a short woman who drives a mini van. I don’t drive badly. I don’t speed down streets where children play. But, I admit, I am a horrible parker. I usually try to park where I can pull through to face forward, because then I have a better chance of getting straight and not making it a challenge for the cars next to me. The problem is that no matter how hard I stretch, I’m always afraid that I can’t see my front so I overcompensate and end up crooked. I like my mini van except for that. I am ashamed of myself when I park badly. Please don’t hate me for my inability to park the monster. Please.

  7. 17 Deni Lyn April 27, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    I am not a fan of mini-vans either. We live across the street from a school. Every morning and afternoon, the streets are clogged with all kinds of erratic driving, u turns, double parking, speeding. I don’t understand why these people aren’t more careful. Their children are trying to cross streets!

    • 18 thelifeofjamie April 27, 2012 at 5:42 pm

      I used to teach at a school that had a side gate…they had to stop opening it in the mornings because parents would let their kids out and they would run across the street (no crosswalk). Well- one day a kid got hit by a car because he darted out in the middle of the street. Gate closed!

  8. 19 Southern Sea Muse April 27, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Despite the joy of a growing family, I rued the day when we were forced to trade in the sporty SUV for a minivan. They are tuna boats.

  9. 23 John Erickson April 27, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    And now you people know why, for fun, I design cars with weapons and armour. One of these days, Alice, one of these days…….😉

  10. 25 alittletoohonest April 27, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    Hear Hear! I can’t tell you how many times I have seen this in action in my little town too! The speeding, the lousy parking, and don’t forget that in minivans, the glass obliterates the view of actual other vehicles on the road, leaving the driver free to pull out into traffic at their own discretion, causing other drivers to slam on the brakes to save their own (and their kids) lives. Gawd.

  11. 27 Drink2that April 27, 2012 at 8:29 pm

    I drive one (sigh). My husband calls it the ” V package”…meaning that every minivan should come with a free vascectomy. But the one blessing is the in-flight entertainment that seems to quell the constant stream of questions from the backseat.

  12. 29 yellowcat April 30, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    Don’t be a hater. I drive a mini-van. I park well and I drive slow. What I hate is, I park away from everyone when I have the dogs with me. I will return to the van to find people parked all around me as close as possible and bitching because the dogs are barking at them. Duh.

    • 30 thelifeofjamie April 30, 2012 at 5:06 pm

      it’s not so much that vehicle as it is the driver…I actually had to ask a woman to move her car one time becuase she parked so close that I couldn’t open the door to get my daughter in. She rolled her eyes at me and moved (after bitching at me).

      Get an economy car if you can’t drive it you B*tch!!!

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