Police PR Campaign

Look- I’m the first one to say that anyone who runs from the cops is guilty as sin.  GUILTY!  Throw the book at em!

I find it hard to believe that you are completely innocent if you have a reason to run from the cops because you ALWAYS get caught.  Always.  And the punishment is always worse when you run (I learned that the hard way as a child when I mouthed off to my dad one last time and then turned and ran.  He caught me and spanked the bajezuz out of me!).

The news these days is riddled with cops beating people or officer involved shootings and excessive force.  While I do find it hard to believe that the criminals are in any way innocent, I don’t think the cops are giving themselves a good name.  Recently, the cops shot a kid who was waving a gun and shooting at officers (his parents say he was unarmed despite perfectly clear video footage- seriously?).  They fired back something like 120 times.  I’m sure that adrenaline is pumping so hard that they shoot til their guns are empty because it’s a kill or be killed situation, but seriously?  You guys aren’t helping your reputation!

Police are supposed to be the good guys- keeping our streets safe.  All anyone can focus on is police brutality because they appear to use excessive force.  I’m not there (because I pull over when a black and white rolls up behind me) but it seems a bit much.  They need a serious PR campaign.  Good thing I used to work in PR (many moons ago) and have some ideas…

  1. instead of being pulled over for speeding, you are pulled over and given a reward for driving the speed limit.
  2. in an effort to help people, the police receive training as baristas and set up free mobile coffee carts, because caffeinated people are more sane than the decaf variety
  3. 800 thread count sheets in prison (While I have no clue, I am assuming that the thread count is less than 100)
  4. police will weed your garden for you
  5. instead of using excessive force, the bad guy will be wrapped in a giant bear hug until he is able to be cuffed and taken away
  6. handcuffs are the fuzzy ones
  7. the partition that separates the front seat and back seat of a police car are covered in smiley face stickers and a ‘have a nice day’ sign
  8. instead of officer involved shootings with real bullets, officers will smoke the suspect with laughing gas until he falls over giggling
  9. Police dogs will be trained to lick suspects incessantly until officers catch up
  10. Uniform color will change from blue, black or tan to yellow, pink and seafoam green.  Who can be mad at Easter egg colors?

P.S. my appt is at 11 today.  I’ll keep you posted!

9 Responses to “Police PR Campaign”

  1. 1 Andrew May 8, 2012 at 7:08 am

    #4 is definitely my favorite haha. Nice list.

  2. 3 Kathryn McCullough May 8, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Yeah, I’m thinking 120 shots is a litttle over the top. Please be sure to let us know how your appointment goes. I’ll be thinking about you–sending positive energy————

  3. 4 John Erickson May 8, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    I’ve actually heard of some police departments doing the “hand out rewards” thing – coupons for local businesses and such. It seemed to work, but the old farts in management can never get on board. You know how intractable anybody 49 and over can be! ;)
    Though seriously, the boys in blue need a little desensitization work when handling their weapons. Records have repeatedly shown an officer claiming to have fired 3 or 4 times, yet his 12-round mag is empty. And I can personally attest – adrenaline is GREAT lube for your trigger finger! :D

    • 5 thelifeofjamie May 8, 2012 at 4:33 pm

      I understand the need to empty your gun, but with news and cell phones, they are getting a bad rap. But here’s a better idea…stop running from the police ya A-HOLE!

  4. 6 yellowcat May 8, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    There’s only one time I’ve ever been afraid of a police officer and that was in New Mexico. I swear he was looking to club me for being an illegal immigrant and for stealing two children who look just like me. (I’m blonde and as white as Casper) He pulled me over because my son was out of his seat belt and during questioning he became enraged that I was divorced and on vacation with my children…a vacation that included a day trip into Mexico. I finally asked him for directions to the police station and told him he could either give me a ticket or follow me to the station for further questioning with an audience. He really did scare me and I don’t scare easily.

  5. 8 Southern Sea Muse May 8, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    I hand out “extra toy time” tickets at work to the children on my unit when they do well at school during the day…I, for one, know this can work! And if the police started focusing their attention on the speed-limit-obeyers, I can keep doing 80 and come skidding in to work with my adrenaline already on “high,” which is required in a psych hospital :D

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