This week’s Mama Kat’s Writing Prompt is: List 10 things you’d would love to give your husband or Dad for Father’s Day. Well, you all know me…this won’t go over as intended!
1. Stretch Marks– I would love to give my beloved my stretch marks. They crept in while I was pregnant with my daughter and are completely evident on my love handles (he can have those too) and show up mostly when I am tan. I thought a tan was supposed to make you look better!
2. Bags Under My Eyes– I have three jobs, two of which are from home and I work my ass off, while taking care of the kids. Sleep often goes by the wayside. The bags have settled in under my eyes and are migrating lower and lower down my face. Since I can’t fall asleep on the couch, or on the floor or wherever I rest my head for a second like he does, I think it’s only fair that he gets my bags.
3. Complete Dad Duty– It’s Father’s Day…he deserves to spend the entire day with his children. By himself. Alone. And the kids are cranky and have a lot of sugar. They can show him how much they love and appreciate him without me nagging them.
4. My Devil Horns– these are what I call my hairs that are still growing back in from when I lost them after I had my kids. I constantly look like I have horns because the hairs that frame my face stick straight up. They look amazing. They don’t make me look crazy at all.
5. Dinner Duty– I would love nothing more than to give my husband all the power in the kitchen. He can cook whatever he wants (within caloric reason) whenever he wants and make sure the kids are fed something other than chicken nuggets and Easy Mac. He can look through recipes for the best meal to meet the needs of our family.
6. Five Extra Pounds- He is entitled to my 5 extra pounds this Father’s Day. Since he has lost 20 pounds since we have had our daughter, he is allowed to take on my extra baggage.
7. Taxi Duty- I will put the car seats in his truck and he can haul the kids all over town to school and their activities. He can handle all the questions that happen during these car rides. (He’ll be lucky if his ears aren’t bleeding by the end of it)
8. Complete Grocery Store Power– as long as he buys what I like and not crap. He is allowed to go to Vons with both kids and shop his little heart out while trying to stick within a reasonable budget and using coupons and online deals. All while pushing 85 pounds worth of children in the car cart, and trying not to knock over displays, and threatening/bribing for chocolate milk.
9. Early Morning Wake Up– This one is a present he gets only sometimes, but he is allowed to get up with the kids whenever they get up in the middle of the night, sleep with one of them glued to his side, and then enjoying nice early morning arguments and loudness.
10. A Day of Disney– All Disney, all day. Hopefully during a rainy day so there is nothing to do but watch every Disney movie on the planet. Over and over and over. Nothing says Happy Father’s Day like a princess in distress!