A Little Bit Country…

A little bit shock your soul…

What can I say to No-hio on his 356th birthday…

How did No-hio come about?

I was tasked with the challenge of naming John in blog land. He claims to be from Chicago. There is no factual evidence that he is from Illinois. I have checked the records. He can insist all he wants. He’s not from Chicago. He lives in Ohio. He vehemently denies being from Ohio, just taking up residence there currently. I call BS. Show me something No-hio!

Here is what I do believe about our resident crazy man No-hioan. I believe he has an alarmingly strange amount of knowledge on a variety of subjects, which I am sure has led to the Feds visiting him on more than one occasion, and if they haven’t, expect a knock on that door any day! I believe that if I ever needed a kidney, a loan, or somebody whacked, he would either do it for me, or tell me the best way to get it done (and how not to get caught).

I believe that he is secretly an informant for the British mafia, hence the use of the Queen’s English when he writes. I believe that if I ever met him in person, I may want to run the other direction (Just kidding John)! I believe that I don’t even want to know a quarter of what is swimming around in his head. I’m pretty sure that he shot JR, knows where Hoffa is and might have had something to do with it, and is really Nicki Minaj. He knows who killed Kennedy, where the planet Cling-on is, and has a mother ship somewhere in the universe waiting to call him home.

He’s the reason for global warming, the reason soda was banned in NYC, and the reason why The Mayans predicted the world would end yesterday. He lead Custer into battle, wrote the Gettysburg address (because he’s that old) and was watching porn in the next room when Bin Laden was shot. He’s a doomsday prepper (feeling foolish today aren’t you), a test dummy for pharmaceutical companies, and the poster child for why you shouldn’t eat paint chips.

He and his verbal diarrhea are the reason Pepto Bismal stays in business. He created the Internet, is the head of a Mexican drug cartel, and is going to be the new Secretary of State. He drowns polar bears, but rescues every mutt within a twelve mile radius. He’s the only man who has actually had a conversation with a goat and escaped the looney bin to tell about it. Without proper medication, he is a significant threat to petting zoos everywhere.

You gotta love No-hio…he comments a lot, is a regular reader, and a dear friend. The rest might be BS, but I know he would whack anyone for me if I ever needed it. He’s a man (I think) that I’ve never met, but consider a dear friend. He’s always got my back!

Love ya John! Happy Birthday! Hope it’s great!

Visit these others to torch roast celebrate John!

El Guapo
Brain Rants
The Idiot Speaketh
A Frank Angle
Fiftyfour and a half
Fear No Weebles
Archon’s Den
Doggy’s Style

12 Responses to “A Little Bit Country…”

  1. 1 Elyse December 22, 2012 at 6:03 am

    Wonderful post — congratulations on naming both the blog and the geographic peculiarity that is John — No-hio is perfect.

    And Happy Birthday Sir John.

  2. 3 fasab December 22, 2012 at 6:23 am

    Well done. Have you considered Witness Protection as a reason???

  3. 5 El Guapo December 22, 2012 at 8:11 am

    So you’re responsible for this mess.
    Thanks for bringing him to the ‘sphere!

    And of course, Happy birthday, John!

  4. 7 Madame Weebles December 22, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Love this. And I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s been thrown by his use of British spelling.

  5. 8 John Erickson December 22, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    Wow – where to start? I really AM from Chicago – says so on the birth certificate. Check out Lutheran General Hospital (in Glenview, I believe, yet oddly still listed as Chicago), or go to Google Maps and look at the corner of Milwaukee Road and Maryland Avenue in Niles, Illinois – there’s a Holsum bread store on the southeast corner. (Now, c’mon, what kinda whackjob would memorise all that … um … never mind. ;) )
    And no, I don’t prep for doomsday, but I know where everybody who does in this area. Far easier to rip off someone else’s hard work! :D
    Oh, and the radius is 17.4 miles for dogs – that where I was this morning! (See? You totally nailed me!)
    I’m fast running out of different ways to say this, so I’ll just say – THANK YOU! Thanks to all of you who have let me invade your blogs, thanks to Mark for helping me get into this wacky world (he’s TECHNICALLY my third blog ever followed, but he’s always number one with me!), and thanks, Jamie. It’s an honour and a privilege to have your back! (And I CAN’T tell you where Hoffa is – just don’t buy real estate in Chicago’s River North are, trust me! :D )

  1. 1 A Special Tribute Edition Of The Daily Blog « fasab Trackback on December 22, 2012 at 7:01 am
  2. 2 On 22 December: A Tribute « A Frank Angle Trackback on December 23, 2012 at 3:15 pm

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