A little bit shock your soul…
What can I say to No-hio on his 356th birthday…
How did No-hio come about?
I was tasked with the challenge of naming John in blog land. He claims to be from Chicago. There is no factual evidence that he is from Illinois. I have checked the records. He can insist all he wants. He’s not from Chicago. He lives in Ohio. He vehemently denies being from Ohio, just taking up residence there currently. I call BS. Show me something No-hio!
Here is what I do believe about our resident
crazy man No-hioan. I believe he has an alarmingly strange amount of knowledge on a variety of subjects, which I am sure has led to the Feds visiting him on more than one occasion, and if they haven’t, expect a knock on that door any day! I believe that if I ever needed a kidney, a loan, or somebody whacked, he would either do it for me, or tell me the best way to get it done (and how not to get caught).
I believe that he is secretly an informant for the British mafia, hence the use of the Queen’s English when he writes. I believe that if I ever met him in person, I may want to run the other direction (Just kidding John)! I believe that I don’t even want to know a quarter of what is swimming around in his head. I’m pretty sure that he shot JR, knows where Hoffa is and might have had something to do with it, and is really Nicki Minaj. He knows who killed Kennedy, where the planet Cling-on is, and has a mother ship somewhere in the universe waiting to call him home.
He’s the reason for global warming, the reason soda was banned in NYC, and the reason why The Mayans predicted the world would end yesterday. He lead Custer into battle, wrote the Gettysburg address (because he’s that old) and was watching porn in the next room when Bin Laden was shot. He’s a doomsday prepper (feeling foolish today aren’t you), a test dummy for pharmaceutical companies, and the poster child for why you shouldn’t eat paint chips.
He and his verbal diarrhea are the reason Pepto Bismal stays in business. He created the Internet, is the head of a Mexican drug cartel, and is going to be the new Secretary of State. He drowns polar bears, but rescues every mutt within a twelve mile radius. He’s the only man who has actually had a conversation with a goat and escaped the looney bin to tell about it. Without proper medication, he is a significant threat to petting zoos everywhere.
You gotta love No-hio…he comments a lot, is a regular reader, and a dear friend. The rest might be BS, but I know he would whack anyone for me if I ever needed it. He’s a man (I think) that I’ve never met, but consider a dear friend. He’s always got my back!
Love ya John! Happy Birthday! Hope it’s great!
Visit these others to
torch roast celebrate John!