Posts Tagged 'food'

Things That Irritate Me #33: Smelling Like A Restaurant

I go out to eat a couple of times a month and the one thing I cannot stand is smelling like the restaurant when I leave.  Last night, I took the kids to Stonefire Grill (because it was raining and who wants to cook dinner when it’s raining? That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!).  They serve pizza, salads, and it’s all cooked over a big stonefire grill.  The food is delicious.  I had a nice quinoa salad and the kids had spilled milk, breadsticks, and a couple bites of pizza.

You can imagine what the restaurant smells like- deliciousness and goodness.  And now…so do I.  Except I don’t want to smell like deliciousness and goodness because I don’t want my bed and pillow to smell like deliciousness and goodness.  I also don’t want to have to wash the pair of jeans I wore for one whole hour (because you know how horrible it is to wash the perfectly stretched out pair of jeans- am I right ladies?) and I really don’t want to shower unless it’s absolutely necessary.

I know it’s “cool” to have these open floor plans in restaurants where you can see the grill, but I really would prefer to sit away from the grill.  I am all for that separation of grill and restaurant.  I don’t want to see the grill.  I don’t want to wonder which server wiped his nose and then picked up my plate and grazes my meal with it ever so gently (I worked in restaurants for years…it happens.  Don’t piss off the bitchy waitress and don’t piss off the cook.  I’m not saying I ever served somebody food that fell on the floor, but someone I know may or may not have eaten floor garlic bread.)  I really would prefer to not think about what they are doing with my food.  Out of sight, out of mind.  And out of my nose!  I don’t want to smell like food all day long!

That is just one of the reasons I won’t step foot in a Burger King (that and the shortened life expectancy), a PF Changs or Beni Hana.  I don’t want to reek all day long.

Change The Movie Cinderelly

I can’t believe she is making me watch this movie.  It’s not even in HD…who the hell gives a crap about some mice and a singing lady in a tower.  I want to watch something else.  NOW.  Maybe if I throw a big enough fit she’ll turn it off.

“I dddddddddooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn’tttttttttttt wannnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaa watch Cinderelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllla!  Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmy, I don’t want to watch it!  Turn it off!”

Hmmm…so far she isn’t caving.  She’s still sitting there.  Still typing away.  Hmmm.  What can I do next?  Oh, I know, I will move closer to her and scream louder.  AHEM (come on Ally, force out some tears!)

“I dddddddddooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn’tttttttttttt wannnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaa watch Cinderelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllla!  Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmy, I don’t want to watch it!  Turn it off!”

Oh crap, she’s trying to bribe me with food.  Fine, two can play at this game!

“Mommy, I wanna peanut butter cup.”

Damnit, I don’t want one after I finish my dinner (like that’s going to happen).  I want one now.  Maybe she’ll cave on M&Ms.

“Mommy, I want some M&Ms.”  Still no luck.  Oh, now she’s telling me to get something out of the cabinet…I wish I could reach the good stuff.  “Mommy will you open my ganola bar?”

Why is this movie still on?  Is she stupid?  Doesn’t she understand that I DON’T WANT TO WATCH THIS!  Oh look at that cute mousie!  He talks funny.  No, SNAP OUT OF IT!  We don’t want to watch this movie!

“Mooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmy, I don’t wanna watch Cinderella!  Turn it off!”

The iPad?  I’ll watch the iPad.  Where is it?  I will watch that as loud as I can and until this movie is over.  Oh look at her pretty dress and shoes!  The iPad.  FOCUS!  It’s in the kitchen…okay, what is the most annoying show app on the iPad, oh yes, it’s Curious George.  He can monkey talk for the next hour.  She’s going to keep Cinderella on, I’m going to have the annoying monkey in the background.  Look!  The carriage turns into a pumpkin!

Come on Curious George!  Yum, this granola bar is good.  I can’t believe she’s still watching it.  Oh look at that cute doggie!  He’s chasing the cat!

Why can’t I watch the iPad anymore?  Fine, she takes it away, I’ll go bug her in the kitchen.  She hates it when I bug her when she’s cooking!  She’s making chicken.  Do I like chicken today or don’t I?  I think….not. 

“Ew that’s gross!  I don’t like that!”

Why is she shoving me out of the kitchen?  That’s fine- shove away.  I can come right back in.  That’s the magic of doorways lady!  I’ll show her.  I’m NOT going to eat that chicken, even though it looks pretty good.  I’ll just go to bed without dinner and wake her up EXTRA early!


*This post inspired by Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop prompt- What was the last thing your child threw a temper tantrum over? Write a blog post from her point of view.

Muy Delicioso!

We went to a BBQ last night at a friend’s house. They have a great entertainers backyard. Pool, spa, fire pit, etc…if I had their backyard, I would live outside and be really tan!

I made dessert for the BBQ…get ready to have your mind blown…(for the record, I got the recipe from a friend years ago, so I can’t give proper credit)

Homemade Oreos:

2 packages devils food cake
1 cup shortening or butter
4 eggs

Combine and roll into quarter sized balls and flatten. Bake for EXACTLY 8 min at 350. Let cool.

1/2 cup softened butter
8oz softened cream cheese
4 cups powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla
Blend well. (this actually makes quite a bit and could probably be halved and there would still be enough)

Find two cookies of the same size, spread on filling and smash together! Warning- don’t make them too big- they are rich!

I really made these to win the Jamie-Jamie Bake Off. One of Jeff’s firefighters (also named Jamie) thinks that he can bake better than I can. I am expecting a concession speech from him at any moment. There are only two people that I know of who bake better than me, and it’s two of my friends.

Dessert #2- get ready for your head to blow off!
Peanut butter cup s’mores.

Graham crackers
Reece’s peanut butter cups

Roast as usual…be prepared to never eat s’mores the same way again!


Don’t worry, I don’t need to win my Blog Weight Loss challenge that badly…I have to have blood drawn for some routine blood work (cholesterol, liver, etc).

In case you didn’t know- fasting means not eating.  Not eating until someone stabs you in the arm with a needle and only THEN can you eat or drink anything.

I couldn’t get an appointment until 9 am.  I usually eat at 7:30 and have a cup of tea.

Have I mentioned that I like food ever?  I like to eat.  I work out as much as I do so I can eat.  I don’t even like to drink out of straws…I want my mouth to enjoy what I am drinking.  I feel the same about food.  I want to experience the crunch, the flavor, etc.

9 am.  It’s going to be a LONG morning.

There Is No Graceful Way To Eat Salad

Last night, I made myself a salad for dinner. I like salad…I think I make a pretty good one, and more specifically, I love the white trash garlic bread that I make with my salad (sourdough bread, I can’t believe it’s not butter spray, and garlic salt in the toaster oven). As I sat down to eat my salad, I realized that I was very happy that I was eating it in my own kitchen.

There is just no graceful way to shove salad in your mouth. I fill my fork and then I have to contort my mouth to shove it all in, and I have a huge mouth! I suppose I could take smaller bites and only put one piece of lettuce and one vegetable on my fork, but I like lots of favors so I load it up with peppers, olives, bacon bits and dressing, and then I look like a savage when I eat. I even cut the lettuce into (mostly) manageable pieces.

Since having children, I have found that my eating habits have become atrocious. I think it stems from shoving food in your mouth when you get a chance and not worrying about it because your next meal will easily be interrupted, if you even get the chance to make it. I try to remind myself that people are not attracted by how much food I can shove in my mouth (5 marshmallows) and that I might be disgusting people when they watch me eat. Fortunately it would cost my husband more to divorce me than dealing with my eating habits (although he is way worse. He gets food on his forehead!).

If you ever go out to dinner with me, remind me not to order a salad so I don’t look like a fool stuffing my face!

I was going to take a picture of me with marshmallows in my mouth, but I only have mini marshmallows…


Soft or Hard?

Get your mind out of the gutter people, I am talking about cookies!  My husband is a cookie freak.  So much so, that for our wedding, we didn’t have a cake, we had Mrs. Field’s cookies and vanilla ice cream (yeah- it rocked!).

My husband’s parents always got him a cookie cake for his birthday and holidays so I have carried on the tradition.  Sometimes I make it, sometimes I buy it.  We also have a steady stream of Costco cookies in the freezer and back up in the freezer in the garage.  I make cookies probably once every 6 weeks too (mine are so much better than Costco).

Anyway- he likes his cookies hard.  He puts them in the freezer.  I personally like mine soft.  I actually prefer them warm and gooey.  Sometimes I will pull one of the cookies out of the freezer and try and eat it and I feel like I am going to break my teeth.  My kids eat them out of the freezer too and I fear that they will start losing some teeth on the cookies!

So my bloggy peeps…how do you like your cookies (actual cookies No-hio- no euphemisms here), hard or soft?

Things That Irritate Me #11: Goldfish Crackers


That is a picture of the beloved kid staple, goldfish crackers, smashed to smithereens in the back of my car. FYI- my kids are only allowed to eat dry food in my car. I don’t want it smelling and filthy…that’s what my kitchen is for.

Why is it that the most popular kid food is the messiest? If a goldfish gets smashed, it doesn’t just crack into pieces. No, it smashes into a fine dust that gets everywhere. It’s like drywall dust. Every where you turn, there it is.

Now to be fair, I did a smash test of several children’s snack foods.
1. A tortilla chip
2. A Doritos
3. A wheat thin
4. A pretzel
5. Another loved kid food, the Cheerios (honey nut)
6. Goldfish cracker


I gave them all a whack with my trusty rolling pin (although after yesterday, I feel like I should probably be using it on people, not food).


They all received one whack. Not hard, just enough to crack or crush the food.
The results:


Notice the tortilla chip, the Doritos, the wheat thin, and the pretzel simply broke into a few pieces. The Cheerios is a little more mangled, but notice the goldfish…it is a fine dust that when mixed with a small amount of water, can be used to fill nail holes in your walls (if your walls are orange and ugly that is).

My experiment was a success…the goldfish is the biggest mess maker, followed closely by the Cheerios. The others are much neater, but they are also considered choking hazards and can’t be introduced until teeth are established. Both of my kids love goldfish. I find crumbs everywhere! Hansel and Gretel could find their way home with them.

In closing, I understand that they are safe for kids to eat, but please pepperidge farm…make them a little stronger! I like the interior of my car to be black, not orange!

update: I went for my second “audition” yesterday and I got the job! I will be teaching a step class every Monday!

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